It has been nearly a year since we first knew we would adopt. It’s been kind of a roller coaster ride of a year, but I believe now we’re closer than ever before to becoming parents.
Jerry and I knew we wanted to have children since before we got married, but last year we reached a kind of cross roads where the usual route to parenthood closed off in front of us. I’d already journeyed through several years of disappointment and watching friends announce pregnancy after pregnancy–so while the official “no” we got from the doctor was very painful, I was almost resigned to the news within a very short time of hearing it. The next day was Friday, and it found me desperately googling adoption agencies. Without even asking Jerry (though I do recommend getting your spouse on board!) I sent off a query to the first agency that really caught my attention. Somewhat to my alarm, one of their agents left me a voicemail later that same day.
Friday night I brought up adoption to Jerry. He wasn’t in the same place with processing our infertility as I was, so his first response was that he needed some time before we jumped into any big decisions like adoption. I did my best to realize the wisdom in this, and we tried to go on with our weekend as close to normal as possible.
On Saturday Jerry took the trash to the dump. While he was there he picked up a paper on the ground, assuming it was a bit of our trash that had gotten free. He looked at what the paper was. An adoption application. He quickly called me.
“Did you have an adoption application in the car with you?” he asked when I picked up.
“What? No. Why?” I said.
“I just found one on the ground here and I thought it must have fallen out of our car…”
We both felt that prickling feeling on the back of our necks as we contemplated the chances of finding an application like that here in our small town.
When Jerry got home he said, “I’m not usually one to see signs, but I’m pretty sure that that was one…”
Sunday we sat in church and Pastor turned to Galations and read of God redeeming them that were under the law “that we might receive the adoption of sons.” We blinked at each other, confident that God was bringing up adoption to us again.
The next week, with Jerry’s blessing, I had a long conversation with the adoption agency rep that had left me the message before. We discussed the types of adoption the agency provided and the pros and cons of each. My heart dropped a bit at the costs, but I went through it all with Jerry again that night anyway. Our hearts were drawn pretty quickly to China as the place where we would find our child. We have Chinese family living nearby, and hoped it might make it easier on a child to have some close family they could go to with questions about their heritage. China it was.
Our agency told us that China needed both of us to be 30 years of age before we could adopt a child. Jerry was only 29 at the time. We had to wait till six months from his 30th birthday to apply to the China program. I spent the months we had to wait praying, soul searching, and reading anything I could about China, adoption, and children with special needs. On June 4th we submitted our official application with the agency we talked to back in February. I researched other agencies and just never felt right about leaving that first one I found through google.
China has online lists of “waiting children” whose information is available to view at any time in the adoption process. We looked over a few files as waited, and felt very drawn to a 7 year old boy in particular. He was older than we had originally thought to adopt, but something about him pulled on our hearts. Over weeks and many emails, we tried to get more information from his orphanage, but the director there was uncooperative. In July, just when we thought we would step out in faith and ask to adopt him anyway, the door slammed shut in our faces and his file was pulled from our agency. Both Jerry and I felt heartbroken, but I (again without asking Jerry) quickly asked for the file of another child on the waiting child list. It might sound heartless not to spend some time grieving the loss of the other boy, but with so many orphaned children out waiting in the world, I had to keep marching forward. And it’s such a good thing I did. The next file contained the information for the beautiful little 2.5 year old boy that will–God willing–become our son this year.
It’s amazing that you are adopting. I was adopted from China when I was one. I don’t know if this is in your plans, but I hope you and your husband celebrate something such as Chinese New Year with your son. My adoptive parents said in their interview that they were going to incorporate Chinese holidays, it’s been 14 years and we haven’t because “life got busy”. I hope you celebrate a Chinese holiday, because it almost makes me feel like my culture isn’t important. Congratulations, adoption is an amazing thing!
Katie, thank you for your insight! What you said is such a good reminder. We plan to bring Chinese culture into our home more on some level, but sometimes good intentions aren’t enough. I might have to get with my Chinese family and work on a plan ahead of time for HOW we will celebrate important holidays. A good plan might make it easier not to miss those important times!